harmless? bananas!

Silence Is The Loudest Sound

So I’m back, after close to four weeks maybe? I don’t know, I’ve lost count of the days after Chinese New Year. Hello my online journal, did you miss me?

Try as I might, it’s difficult for me to compartmentalise my life, in its purest sense. See, I really want to type in here as if I were writing in a real journal, but I know some of you are reading, and the lines overlap. I think this has something to do with me playing those games as a kid, where you’re not allowed to step on the lines. I do not remember what forfeits there were if you actually did step on those lines.

But in any case, my time away from typing, publishing, being on instant messengers or social media, basically participation with society has made me sort of a recluse. Not in an extreme sense, but just a sense of it. The funny thing about society is that, you want to be normal enough to not be an outcast, but you don’t want to be too normal that you just disappear in the sea of people. Dichotomies, ah.. my closest friend.

And yes, it was rather quiet. You wonder if you’re losing your mind because there are less things that justify who you are. But I think it breeds a sort of clarity. You kind of know yourself a bit better as opposed to seeing your reflection in the opinions of others. It’s also less harsh when you face up to your weaknesses without the critique of other people. But that’s just indulgent.

And so, everything that’s supposed to fade away, will fade away. Like the wind, you can’t catch it.. the pursuit gives us meaning, the surrender gives us resignation. I think we all walk the line somewhere in between, but in the end, everything that’s supposed to fade away, will fade away. I can’t get that out of my head, the brutal resignation. But still we’re here, and I supposed we haven’t faded away yet, so there’s some meaning to that.