I Don’t Know Where We Are Going
Another day has passed and what a day it’s been. It wasn’t exactly my busiest day, but I feel like I’ve accomplished a fair amount today. I went to church to oversee a video project I’m working on, worked out some further kinks, and the soundboard looks complete. That is until some last minute changes came in, and I’ll have to go back in tomorrow to see just how much, or little changes need to be made.
But anyway, I then braved the rain to go for remedial training, which is a fine mess I’ve gotten myself in for not passing my Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT), and also defaulting my last round of remedial training. That’s a nicer way of saying I failed the expected fitness of a Singaporean reserve in the army, and I was a no-show for my last bout of remedial training. I could be considered a felony in a more militaristic country. But the important thing is that I ran 2.4 kilometers in about 18 minutes? That is revolting. There was a time when I used to run it under 10 minutes, and now I’m reduced to this flabby pile of laziness.
Oh, then it was off to celebrate a friend’s birthday, and it was a great one! Many good friends at the gathering, many good conversations and laughs. One that particularly stood out, was when we were debating if Singapore had a culture. I supported the idea that we did, mainly because I’m a culture junkie, and I do think that there are things unique to Singapore. Unfortunately my opposition was more forthcoming in his arguments, and I generally lose to heated debates because I automatically lose interest. I suppose I was never born and bred in the fine arts of debate, haggling, confrontation or just saying no. I’m a dreamer, I hate to admit it, but I am. I like to see the good in people, and really do want to be surprised by someone when they do something so wondrously spectacular just because they believed in it. What I don’t see is the fighting and diplomacy that goes on. I’m just so blind to all these things that I never got to say what I really want to say, or do what I really want to do. Some people see the world as their right to pick, I on the other hand see the world for everybody to enjoy and don’t mind sharing what little joy I have.
And that scares me, going out there to get what I want, what I perceive to be rightfully mine. Where hard work isn’t enough, and you have to go further than getting what you deserve, and taking what you desire. I don’t work hard in that department at all. It saddens me, because I see all the nice guys finishing last, or not competing.
And that’s the question isn’t it? Are you in the race? Racing for the prize, giving everything up for the prize. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here, the same way there’s no right or wrong answer to whether Singapore has a culture or not. I still believe I do, and I still believe that I don’t necessarily have to compete in the race to find happiness. All these benchmarks, or evidences and validations to prove our way is right, is not the only way to live this life, or be happy in it.
Maybe you don’t need certain things before you can be happy. Maybe you can be happy today when you have nothing, but you just can’t see it that way yet. I know I still can’t see certain things, but I hope I do.. I want to live in the light that shines from the inside and not the artificial ones that society shines on when they fawn over the latest do-hicky.
So sue me, I’m a hippie.