harmless? bananas!

Cease The Day

So, the day has finally arrived. It’s been such a blur, since I stopped full time work last August, and basically took a break for the longest time, trying to find myself, find some answers, realign my priorities, look for a reason. But tomorrow, tomorrow will be a brand new chapter, re-employment, and teaching English + Social Studies in a school. With teenagers.

Wow. I can scarcely believe it. One part of me is wondering what I’ve gotten myself into, and another part of me either knows that this is what I believe I want to do, or should be doing. It’s not going to be easy, it’s only eleven thirty, and I’m preparing for bed, because with teaching comes the fortitude hours of eight AM classes, seven AM days.

I said at the start, that I embarked on a ‘journey’ to find myself again. Did I? Honestly, I don’t think so. But I do know I’ve grown somewhat. I know that with this new job, I will have new responsibilities, and I too will have to be more responsible of the charges under me. As much as I would like to live for myself, and to live out my dreams, I’ve learned that, it’s not always just about me. I have to help enable the people around me as well.

And I’ve had a good run. Playing gigs, writing blogs and even getting recognised for my efforts. They’re small victories that God has allowed to happen. I want to recognise that. They may seem small, or big, I honestly don’t know, and I really just don’t want that to define me. I only know that these gigs, these recognitions in my writing, they are good things, and I am so thankful. It bolsters me and gives me courage to keep working the crafts, even if I am working a full time job again.

Perhaps I wasn’t meant to be an artist, or that sort of artist. I don’t know.. I’m slightly afraid of the future, but more or less ambivalent. Come what may, I know God’s on my side. I’ve been rocked hard by some stellar punches that life threw at me, and still.. by sheer grace, I made it through. Battered, bruised, but pain heals.

Most importantly, I think I’ve learned what it means to rest, to know where your hope is, or where a man should put his strength in. How much, to what measure, to what cause, et cetera, et cetera. There are certain goals that I would love to accomplish, and by the grace of God, perhaps they will be accomplished if for His glory.

I don’t really have all the answers, perhaps I never will. It’s a little new to me, when I came out a fresh graduate, I thought I did have a lot of answers. But they were answers that served a different time in my life. Now, at the start of my twenty-eighth year, I’m looking for answers again. It’s a season of life, of cyclical questions into answers, constant learning, constant speed, constant hope.

And so, I leave this space, hoping to write soon, as a journal, and testament to the life that needs living.