There was supposed to be cell group tonight, but it got canceled, so I found my Wednesday with no plans. Usually I’d be irritated if my regularity gets disrupted, but not tonight. Maybe it’s because mid-week respites are something that should be welcomed, especially if you already go to church weekly, and sometimes you spend an entire weekend in church preparing for worship since you’re part of the band and play two services on Sunday. I also know that this isn’t about keeping score, and what’s the bare minimum about being a Christian, it’s simply taking respite when it presents itself.
So, it’s been about a month since I typed into this journal of mine. Life has happened for me. I work a job teaching kids English and Social Studies, sometimes it isn’t easy holding their attention, sometimes I wear myself down too much because my lessons are never fully prepared to the best of what I think my abilities are, sometimes they are not presented the best way I’d like to present them, sometimes, they’re not involving the students as much as I’d like. More importantly, sometimes I don’t know whether my methods are effecting in helping these kids learn something.
In that sense, there’s so much more to improve on, and I want to improve. By george, if there’s a better way of doing something, I’d want to learn from people around me, from their experience, from their methods. Some people say that you must have a passion for youth when you teach. I don’t think that’s necessarily true. What I think is more pertinent to the calling of a teacher, is that you want to impart something. So in that sense, you cater your methods to the comprehension levels of your audience. And you just want to help bridge that gap in knowledge, for someone to learn, even if they don’t know it yet.
Anyhow, because of me pursuing this new aspect of a professional career, I also find myself putting my old life behind me. Y’know, that thing they call social media, the field I was working in before everybody thought doing social media was cool. Right now, I have better things to think about then what the best way to influence somebody is, which marketing campaigns are cool, which one makes people buy things or makes people talk about things. Right now, I don’t have to convince people that we should choose Facebook over blogs, or tell companies what the best way of reaching out to their audience is. Because, now I know something that plagues agencies who’ve never been on the client side.
We have our own problems. And I know why we’re skeptical about some social media strategies or campaigns that get presented, because they don’t address our concerns. While I did not cross over to the client side of marketing or communications, I leaf through education blogs every now and then, and the same thing plagues teachers or educators. People saying that social media makes everything better, but not being empathetic to the challenges that people on the ground face.
I’m an early adopter, so it’s easier for me to sieve past the bullshite. Not so much for some older colleagues perhaps, who have tried and tested methodologies of getting results, but are being pressured to change for what seems to be a shiney-object-syndrome. My heart goes out to these stalwarts, the old guard, the people who have something I will never achieve overnight, the experience of carving out their own niche. I think we should be respectful of such people, especially when they are doing good work with old methods, and when they are ready, when younger folk like me have proven ourselves to them that we are not just talk, and can produce good work too, only then does that qualify us to collaborate and show them some of the things that we’ve learned in our use of technology.
I’m just saying is all. Because this has what’s gotten me quite depressed every time I look at my Twitter feeds. Young know-it-alls who constantly push their own agenda, without realising how antagonistic they can be at times. Hell, maybe I was like that at one time. But I’ve always been critical about media, and I damn well should be critical about social media. I love how Pat put it, you’re not trying to cure cancer. I love how she’s brutal and blunt like that, and I think that makes her great in the field that she is. No bullshite, there’s a method to the madness, and we walk the talk. But there’s still a lot of catching up to do in the marketing sector, plenty of other people who don’t really care and just pretend that they’re good at their jobs.
Maybe I felt like I was just pretending to care sometimes, and that’s why I left marketing and communications. But now I’ve found something that I care about, that I want to protect, that is cause for professional pursuit. So, for now, this is enough.
Anyway, that’s what it’s been like on the professional side. In terms of personal interests, I’m really glad, and proud to say that there’s a new songwriting unit in town. Ave’s the brains behind Penpusher, and well, I guess I’m her co-brain. She asked me out of the blue if I was interested in forming a band. I still maintain that Penpusher is not a band (yet), but as a songwriting unit, we’re doing good work. We’re writing songs, we’re understanding how we operate, we’ve roped in Thomas who’s been an incredible help and joy to work with, Rudi who sits in sometimes, offers creative input.. and slowly but surely, the songs are starting to take shape, and when they’re ready to be interpreted by a band instead of just the two or three of us, we’ll let that happen. It’s nice when you start with a blank canvas, and you’re working on a particular space of the canvas, and you see that there are other portions that could use work, and you start planning how it’s all going to come together, how the dots will be joined, and how the finished product will look like in the end. Well, we can only imagine. I’m of the romantic notion that songs birth themselves, and we’re merely the midwives bringing them into the world. Hippie, I know. Kill me now.
So another week has gone by, but I do believe that this is the first entry in a while, that I have full use of both my hands since I fractured my wrist almost six weeks ago. Rehabilitation has been going pretty well, and I can play bass again, although some of the wrist muscles are still weak, and it’s probably better if I don’t over-exert them. It’s thought me how much I have to take care of myself, and it also revealed to me, that if I couldn’t play music, how else could I express myself as an individual.
Expression is something that I don’t really think about, or something I necessarily fumble around with. I suppose playing music for so long, writing my thoughts in a blog for so long, and being a professional in the media and communications industry, you learn how to express and articulate yourself. The things that seem second nature to me, perhaps sometimes do come across as foreign to people who aren’t used to expressing any such opinion.
Having said that, I don’t think I am the best, but maybe average or slightly above average. I like it when the ceiling is still far away, that I can recognise it and keep improving. But man, it does drain you at times. There are so many things I still want to pursue, so many more paths left to walk, so much work to be done. There’s been a healthy fascination with some new cultures, and some new projects I am undertaking, on top of starting a new job as an English + Social Studies teacher in about a week’s time. I’m starting to feel my age catching up on me, but I hope that the experience I’ve gathered also means that I learn to prioritise what’s important enough to pursue, and what I can put on the back burner, and still achieve all the creative goals I have for myself.
In a nutshell, now that my wrist is starting to get better, it’s time to re-look, and re-engage the online world with more publishing. I’m putting together a new blog, with all new editorial direction, especially in a topic I am interested in, as well as reworking my other blog (Singularity Industries), and making the editorial more focused, and in the process, more effective to what I want to achieve as a blogger.
When it comes to music, I should be laying down bass parts to the Shelves recording at Noel’s place next weel, and LEESON’s been practicing again, and we’ve got some new digital assets, so we can look at promoting the band again.
And then, there’s also the process of life that I have to sort out. My budgets, personal digital assets, instruments, paper trails that are all in dire need of housekeeping. I am determined to be a well oiled machine when it comes to keeping my house in order, so that I can focus more energy in my professional career, and the crafts that I am pursuing more seriously.
There are so many things I still hope to do: pick up photography, improve my bass playing, learn how to use sequencing software, write scripts or story ideas, learn boxing, lose weight, start cooking again, and then maybe.. find a girlfriend. Hahaha, though I’m not too sure how that one will fit in. It’s amazing how much I overcompensate from a lack of personal relationship, and pour all that excess energy into creative pursuits. It’s bittersweet, but I find it more enjoyable to apply myself creatively, instead of spending too much time trying to get into a relationship. Though having said that, if I’m seeing anyone, it’s with a more focused intention than who I was, say.. five years ago?
Focus seems to be the theme running through this entry. You realise that there are so many things to do, if you put yourself out there, to be around a culture, and contribute back to it. Yet, there are physical limitations to the limitless possibilities of your imagination. Hence, wisdom to prioritise, and pace yourself, is equally important now if you want to stay creative till the day you die. I suppose it’s a sort of discipline I want to try out. Too long I have been like the wind, flitting from project to project, and now making as much of an impact as I could have.
Aiyah, stretching yourself thin then say lah. Yeah. I’ve been stretching myself thin, I still feel it, but I’m half-excited for what tomorrow can bring, and allow me to work toward, and half lazy.. because inertia is such an easy trap to fall into.
Hopefully bu Tuesday, the cast on my left arm can be taken off, and I can finally carry on with my life per normal. Be that the case, I reckon I’ll miss it somewhat. The conversations I get from random strangers, the way I clumsily try to get things done, or cover it with a plastic bag with each shower. If anything, it was the very strange experience of effectively having only one arm.
Not being able to physically do many things, meant that my mind went on overdrive, but was still paced with not being able to follow through with physical action, that resulted in more detailed thought processes that ensured economy of motion to maximise effectiveness.
It’s funny how it takes a disability to teach you that, step back, don’t immerse yourself in the trenches, and forget the campaign that needs fighting.
Why so militaristic?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the way my brain draws connection to the concept of strife and obstacles. When I was in the army, that was probably the only time I had to rely on a fighting spirit to see me through certain exercises, that right now it’s just a reflex, conditioned response.
I’m a fighter, not a lover.
And so, I’m thinking about the two or three weeks of break time I will have before I finally start teaching (for real.) Yes, I really am going to be a teacher. I have a contract with the Ministry of Education to teach English and Social Studies. It’s finally happening, life is starting to happen again. While I’d been working for the past two months, it’s only been a short term arrangement, whereas this new arrangement, will be more long term, and I can start rebuilding my life and relationships around this new arrangement.
It’s going to be pretty exciting, I’ve never been more fired up about trying to juggle my bands, commitments and writing engagements all at once. I’ll have to choose carefully just where my time goes. But I think this time away from regular work, while tough in terms of surviving, or having a life (little cash flow), has really opened my eyes and broadened my horizons past my perceptions of my previous industry. I think I’m walking into this new chapter with a whole new set of priorities, and my only wish is that I can finish as well as when I started, hopefully for the better.
But yes, there are some new toys that I really want to purchase, that will allow me to pursue other aspects of my craft to a new level. This is a benefit of having direction I suppose. It focuses your thoughts, and channels your energy into a generator that actually converts it into a usable fuel.
And so with that, here’s to new chapters, new directions and constant surprises.
