Distillation is the process of purification. It calls for only the purest essence to be collected at the end of the process. It’s a tall order, but I wish that more things in life were distilled. Cut out the BS, say what you want to say, deal with the circumstances with a surgical precision that leaves only the smallest of scars.
But we’re not the pure entities we wished we were. Despite the maturity I’ve gained as a result of not always getting what I want, I don’t think I’ve developed a hard heart that doesn’t break when I can’t give you what you want. It hurts me that I will hurt people, simply for being the person I am, and the choices I make. It makes me irate that I cannot be all things to all people, that as much as I have the ability to love, I will always have the capacity to hurt as well.
And in that sense, the singular, distilled thought, is that I am still that much immature, if I still believe in happily ever afters.
I want to get ink. Specifically that particular ‘X’ you see at the top. But just the ‘X’, and in black, not white. On the forearm where I can see it, and you can see it. Maybe I’m a bit of an exhibitionist in that regard, or an attention seeker. Maybe what I want for it is to be a talking point. Perhaps all I really want is to show what I think on my sleeve.
It doesn’t really mean anything. Simply because, there’s no real significance as to why I want to get ink. It’s a shallow, aesthetic reason, and maybe I shouldn’t hide from that. I’m going to be a teacher, and they do not condone this sort of deviant behaviour. I also go to a church, that while modern, is also rather conservative. And because it’s so shallow, so devoid of meaning, and such an immature, rebellious ‘up yours’ to the societal pressures around me, and I’m not really thinking it through.. an ‘X’ really is the most perfect symbol to remind myself that I took charge of my own life, didn’t care what other people thought of me, and followed my heart instead of my over-thinking, self-reflexive mind.
So if people ask, it’s the most distilled symbol to sum up the last 27 years of my life and how things are going to change around here.
