litford.NET // New Fangled Since 1982

Relationships are such complex matters and often, it is hard to explain the state of relationship that we have with the people around us. The dynamics between two parties are often not easy to be put down in words but I would like to explore unchartered territories and try anyway. One of the ways to do that is perhaps to break these complicated materials down into easily digestable formats and in this case, perhaps a parable will help. Introduction I hypothesize that relationships have a very close resemblance to your contractual connections with your telecommunications service provider or telcos for short. Like telco services, relationships come in many different forms. Some people are in a serious monogamous relationship, some are just having a fling, some in an “open relationship”  or as made famous in a particular social networking website, “it’s complicated” for others. But the point that I am trying to make here is that, if one starts to draw a mental line in an attempt to connect telco contracts to relationship statuses, it is almost shocking to see the similarities. Just like telco contracts, romantic and platonic relationships are bound by rules of engagement, which usually remains unwritten unless the likes of a pre-nuptial agreement is drawn up. In any case, one might infer it to the Terms & Conditions (T&Cs) of a service contract. At the same time, each relationship status/service type confers some privileges and by extension, limitations. Let’s take that journey to explore how each telco service can be related to a type of relationship that we have with the people around us.

One of the many services that a telco operator would offer are special rates to a few selected numbers or more commonly known as Frequently Called Numbers or FCN for short. In the relationship equivalent, FCNs are made up of your trusted circle of friends. These people are your inner circle, the ones whom you might leave your valuables with, and maybe even entrust your life. If we discount your spouse/partner and family members, the people in this group are your best ever friends.Within this group, you might find the one who is out with you on weekends, weeknights and other events of a social nature. You will also count among them that friend who will be your listening ear after or during a lousy day. And most definitely, that other friend who will never fails to be your conscience and give you his/her honest opinion even if there is a small chance that you might be offended. To put it shortly, an FCN is everything you would expect of your BFF. While most BFFs or as the male equivalent would call “buddies”, are of the same sex as the person in question, an FCN can also be someone of the opposite sex as long as some boundaries are adhered to for if not, it might develop into a different kind of relationship/service. (more on that, another time). To be clear, an FCN usually has little romantic attraction for the other. He/she is simply, a really good and like-able friend. The love, care and “like” that you show for the person is intense but definitely not sexual in nature. This friendship is special where whatever that is said between you and your FCN is sacred and is bound by omertà. (the code of silence practiced by the Mafias) You share alot of things with your FCN, sometimes even those that are out of bounds to your spouse/partner. In a way, your FCN is almost your shadow or soulmate. And because of the tight friendship, some people might mistake it for a more serious kind of relationship. At good and bad times, this is the person you turn to, for a chat, to complain, to ask for opinions, to share things.

This is perhaps simple to understand if your FCN is of the same sex as you but things get a bit complicated when you have an FCN that is of the opposite sex. (Having said that, if you are in a homosexual relationship, then the opposite scenario would apply) In such a scenario, it is almost critical that the T&Cs of the “service”  is clearly understood by the “customer” and the “service provider”, and of course adhered to. The bottom line is: You don’t give your FCN more than what you give your partner. You don’t get too touchy-feely with your FCN. You don’t kiss your FCN on the lips. You don’t hug your FCN unless it’s a joyous occasion or a really sad moment where a hug is the most appropriate form of consolation. You don’t disrupt a moment with your partner/spouse for your FCN. You don’t have sex with your FCN. (unless you are in the kind of relationship where such acts are openly shared and allowed) And most important of all, one must remember not to fall in love with your FCN. Many people have disputed the possibility that two members of the opposite sex can have a close, platonic relationship without any sexual attraction, but we think that’s just paranoid thinking. Although the possibility of one having secret desires for the other cannot be conclusively ruled out at any point, we think that as long as the T&Cs that were mentioned above are adhered to, such unexpressed thoughts and intentions are perhaps not as unhealthy as it has been made out to be. But having said that, it is perhaps apt to dish out some advice about the matter. As the quote from the movie 500 days of summer goes, “just because someone loves the same crap as you do doesn’t mean that she’s your soulmate”. Taking it to another level or “upgrading the service” brings a whole avalanche of considerations and challenges. And while its the stuff of the best love stories ever told, it is also unfortunately, the stuff love tragedies are made of too. However, while we may be surrounded by a few FCNs, we really only need one spouse or in our version of telco terms, a fixed line service. Or perhaps, some of us aren’t ready for a fixed service and prefer to have a purely mobile service? More on that, in the next edition.

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